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By the way, given that non-BDSM people, including children, are probably also at the restaurant and may be able to see into the room where the munch is being held, explicit BDSM behavior is generally frowned upon. Violating this rule can make a seriously bad impression on the munch hosts.

When it comes time to pay, be sure to pay your full share plus a generous tip. The BDSM community is a bit touchy about when, where, and why it's OK for one person to touch another.

Munches tend to be informal affairs with relatively little structure or protocol.

(If there is something special about a particular munch's structure or protocol, and you haven't already been informed of what it is, don't worry too much. Munches were started in the early 1990s by people who had an interest in BDSM and who were also online.

Don't be too surprised if you see people wearing items of black leather clothing or footwear, and please try to not look too shocked if you see someone happily eating and chatting away while wearing a collar of leather or steel locked around their neck. Please remember that people are here to interact regarding a highly personal aspect of themselves, so once you leave keep your mouth shut about the identities of who you saw there, what they said and did, and so forth.

For example, if you saw a co-worker at a munch, keep quiet about that when you return to work.

It's especially wise for men to be cautious regarding touching women that they don't already know very well.

(If you have an interest in one-gender events, the munch hosts will likely be able to make a referral.) Munches are almost always for adults only and persons under 18 should not be brought unless the ground rules of the munch specifically state that they are welcome. On the other hand, showing up in highly informal clothing may not make the best first impression either. There is a strong rule in this community, sometimes spoken and sometimes not but always there, that the privacy of event attendees is protected.

If you're not sure yet, it's fine to reply that you're still exploring that question. If someone asks you a direct question that you don't feel comfortable answering, a simple reply of I'd rather not say just now is entirely appropriate.

(They shouldn't ask again, at least at that event.) It's generally fine to have some beer or wine with your food if you wish, but make sure you don't drink alcohol to the point where your behavior becomes a problem. Be exceptionally courteous and friendly to the staff.

(Although you may find that you and the co-worker will want to arrange a private lunch or after-work coffee date, or at least trade the occasional knowing smile.) Violating the confidentiality rule can get you shunned and banned.

Be advised that some people use scene names instead of their legal name, so please don't feel too surprised to learn that someone calls themselves Master Tom, Slave Pat, or Cruella.

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By the way, titles are often omitted in direct personal conversation, so you are not expected to address him as Master Tom unless he is master.

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