Impact of online dating

Two people standing next to each other staring at their phone doesn't quite work the same!

There's no exchange of attention – where you place your attention energises the recipient – see what happens when someone puts their attention on you – it's tangible.

If the natural impulse in you arose to connect, to express, to reach out, the volition to connect would have less chance of leaching out into reaching into your pocket to grab your phone, but instead would have to come out and engage with the people around you and share connection, and nourish ourselves with the company of another. We hate social discomfort, and given the choice between gathering up the courage to actually approach people we don't know, we reach for the phone again.

Nowadays I often see that volition to reach out and connect being circumvented by the hand reaching in the pocket and pulling out the phone for a text conversation with someone not in the room, and thus depriving us, and the people around us from the very connection that we seek. Maybe years ago we would have reached for the cigarette, or gone to the bar for another drink, so it's not that we've never had avoidance techniques, it's just that the disengagement that people have from the real time interaction around them when on an app, laptop or other device can be particularly pernicious.

The rise of social media and its growing impact have more bearing on businesses which operates on "online connectivity" especially the online dating sites.

We desire touch, affection, empathy and sexual connection, and we also seek to express ourselves through our body.So try and get activities into your life which spreads out enriching connection through other social channels – meeting people through lots of means – shared activities and so on, as at least these can provide some of the connection you need and take the edge off the yearning somewhat!It's often this lack of shared community which further drives our need to reach out.So when we directly engage with someone it generates and raises energy. Shopping When Hungry Another symptom of the lack of connection – and thus deficiency of relationship nourishment – can also be that we focus all our attention, projections and yearning in our mind into seeking a full on 'all in' relationship encounter or situation and can throw ourselves straight into situations that we might do well to have some greater discernment over – as we feel deprived on so many levels.A bit like going shopping when you are hungry – you can tend to over indulge somewhat to try and make up for what you are feeling deficient in at that moment.

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They squeeze your time and attention away from what we actually need.

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